E.M.O Phase?

lonely
So people have been asking me why am i acting so weirdly recently. I was still much a noise-maker in front of everyone, still wearing my typical silly smile, with the exception that sometimes, the smile is not genuine but to cover up my emo side.
Ok lah not that serious.
Yet i admit i wasn’t in the best of mood in past week.
Nothing happened that turned me that way. Nothing significant or big or disastrous. Just that, i came to realisation in some issue which made me think for long and decided to make a painful decision. Painful, but i believe it will be good for all parties in long term.
I could behave nothing less than normal when i was hanging around with people. Laughing over the guy’s silly actions, teasing them, going for midnight movie at last minute….everything. Yet sometimes when i was back in my room, sitting down and processing my thoughts, it made me ponder regarding that issue again.
Made me think again, and again, whether this choice is correct.
I’m not a risk-taker. Not in this case. I’m used to be in the safe and comfort zone and reluctant to step out, although there might be rainbow behind all the obstacles.
I rather step back to the place where everything starts. To the beginning. Forget what my heart had undergone all these while.
I rather withdraw my leg from moving nearer to the boundary. I don’t want the same old drama strike me again, for the 2nd time, because i am not sure whether the immunity that i had developed could combat the pain again.
It’s never easy to do so, but i have to try.
You know sometimes when you hope a particular someone would know something but you just COULDN’T bring yourself to inform the person on your own? You just can’t tell. Can’t.
Sometimes i’m confused whether i’m doing the right thing. Just like sometimes a random emo post will appear here, and disappeared after 1 day without many person’s realisation of its existence.
I had encountered a psychology test with quite accurate result: people who look cheerful and optimist on the outside are actually the most vulnerable ones. They love companions and afraid to be alone [and this explains why it is near IMPOSSIBLE to see me eating ALONE in public place. I JUST CANT!]. And they are lack of sense of security. Which explained why i chose to be a coward. Way better than losing everything i had.
Don’t worry of me. Time is the best remedy. I will try to prove it bit by bit. :)
Personal emo issue aside, STPM result was out on Monday. No matter what the result they got, I AM PROUD OF MY KK KAKI-s! YOU PEOPLE UNDERGONE ONE OF THE THOUGHEST EXAM IN THE WORLD AND I AM PROUD OF YOU. Again, it made me realise how STUPID can our educational system be. Unfairness is everywhere and i felt so depressing for my girls. They struggled so much and thanks to the brilliant edu system, imperfect pointer = near useless. I felt the injustice although i am already a local university student. And as saddening as it seems, we have no choice but to accept the cruel fact.
My Physiology result was out on Thursday and i was not really over the moon although there was improvement in my grades. I can’t be smiling my teeth out (?!) when some friends are feeling the opposite. Gah, i’m bad in comforting people. Again i’d witness my friends’ effort but…. just… :( Felt bad in some way too because i am definitely in discomfort if i was in my friend’s position during a particular incident. :/
Nevertheless,
something not depressing as closing:I-Am-Number-Four
Fantastic movie. I like! :)

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