Smile, OK?

First time in my life, i was in such atmosphere for so many days.

After complaining about the freaking hard examination for more than 5 times in a day (to friends at here, my dearest mom, darling KK friends Sheen Yeen and Shaunie, and Ming Jie dai lou), I actually felt perfectly OK with it already. I was able to overcome the bad feeling, even though I’m going to see bad result in my result slip. I had accepted the fact that after being the top student for so many years in high school, I’m going to face failure in my examination very soon. I’m absolutely OK, and I can joke and fool around with my sincere heart, but not wearing a smiling mask and tearing behind it.

Yet, not everyone around me are feeling the same.

For the first time, friends around me were drown in sadness for so many days. Their hearts are so fragile, they can break down anytime. Their emotion can hardly be fully stable even though they might still be able to joke and gossip occasionally. Deep inside, they are not OK. Everyday, 2 or 3 person would take turn to cry. It was like a never-ending nightmare for them.

And I’m feeling so helpless. All the encouraging and comforting words might be able to alleviate their pain temporary but not for long. Even though I just know them for half a year, but it is giving me heartache looking at their condition. I want to help, I want to cheer everyone up, but I understand it is hard. Everyone need different period of time to recover from this. I truly understand that.

Recently we always exist in group as they coulnd’t stay alone in their room or their mind will be controlled by pessimistic thoughts repeatedly. If things regarding exam are over-mentioned, their emotion will be triggered again.

Look what exam did to us. Not an ordinary exam, but exam that can determine our future. I heard that even news and newspapers had reported about this matriculation examination. If you ever read about that news, please don’t grunt, thinking “The students are so stupid, they can’t answer the question, and they go report it. Blame themselves la!”. This exam had caused depression in everyone DISREGARDING the race.

The guilt for disappointing their parents. The fear of not getting the course they want. The pressure from family. The prediction of leaving the college and study in private college if they did not score well. The cruel facts that we would be treated as failure by the society for not able to score in matriculation examinations, which are believed to be “easy like hell”. Everything.

Dear my sisters in college, if you are happens to stumble upon this post, I just want to tell you all: I love all of you even we didn’t know each other for long. Please do cheer up. Please, PLEASE STOP comparing among us. We are all in the same boat, no one is smarter or stupider. You are never alone, because you have us.
And any of you, please STOP making prediction that you will leave in next semester if you can’t score. It is hurting everyone’s heart when you said so.

Hope the gloomy days in college come to an end after the semester break. I don’t care whether I’m going to ace that terrible exam, for now. I just want to see the sincere smile on everyone’s face.

Smile, ok?

-17 October 2009-

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